unknown admirers

Out of the blue, i remembered this guy who i have never talked to and don’t even remember seeing his face. i would have never known of his existence except for one thing. This happened about 2-3 years back. i was onsite for my stint and i used to frequent one of my seniors’ cubicle and indulge in sessions of adda. After i came back here, one fine day, one of my colleagues told me i left an admirer back in the land of milk and honey. Ummmm, as flattered as i was, i could not for the life of me figure out who it was. i knew it could not be someone i know for the simple reason that they would not go around announcing they admire me without telling me first (or would they?). It turned out there was a Hungarian guy who sat across my senior and he noticed i had stopped coming to visit. So he asked my senior where i was and that he likes me. He said if he had not been married he would have asked me to marry him! For many days, everyone teased me with “Dominos Pizza - Hungry kya?” (Hungry – Hungary, got the joke??).

Well, the tragedy is that i have never noticed the guy – i suffer from an acute case of selective blindness. i could pass an elephant without noticing it if i am not in the mood (in a mood for elephants??)! Anyway, the next time i went back, the guy had left. i wish i could meet him and at least tell him thanks for liking me without even knowing me!

Back when i was in school (i was going to write a girl in pigtails and i realized i never had pigtails cause my hair was always short), before my class X exams, i used to go for Science tuitions. The place was like 15 minutes working distance from my house and so i used to go by myself. And everyday, i would notice two guys walking in front of me. From my scant knowledge of boys then (notice i used the word ‘then’!), i ruled out that they were guys interested in me – well, they follow you not walk in front of you or so went my logic. At that time, there was another guy who used to follow me back from tuitions and i was desperate to dodge him and his gang of loud friends so i was not too occupied about the two guys in front. Well, one evening, the two guys were in front and as i was about to go in to my leirak, they stopped and one of them handed me a letter. i guess i panicked and i threw the letter back at him and ran as if chased by Shakti Kapoor! Looking back, i should have at least taken the letter and read it. i don’t even remember his face. God knows he must have spent minutes, if not hours, composing that letter. But i was a simple innocent girl then (notice the ‘then’ again!) and i was not too interested in guys then (“then”!).

Well, i have grown up and now i can handle admiration admirably – at least without running away!

to hell....

i am so frustrated with life right now - i know all dark clouds will pass and all that fucking nonsense. Right now i feel like swearing my guts out - just like that - abuse this world with the choicest of galis. Get the angst off my chest.

And why am i frustrated? i have no idea...maybe i just need a peg or two of hope or hemlock - whichever.

i need to get back to work. i need to get my neurons activated. And i need to swear...

----i think it helped. Maybe i need to swear more often. i think i am sick of being good. This is not my kind of thing - i want desperately to be bad, bitchy.......there is nothing i want more right now than to be evil.

still zinda..

i managed to catch the flight and so here i am, blogging from Imphal. i literally ran from the office that day - i did manage to turnover the code - much to the amusement of the security guard. i guess he thought maybe i was running off with classified information. ummm..

Life has been dragging me along wth it. i don't know what to make of it. It has been tough going and i guess it wll only get tougher with time...i only hope i have the strength and patience to cope with it, esp. patience which, evidently, i possess little, if at all.

The slver lining is that i am learning to cook new dishes - esp. manipuri dishes and vegeterian fare. i made maroi thongba that day and everyone was gaga over it - whch made me smug as hell! i am also learning to make rotis - i can get the shape right much to my surprise. i was expecting to reproduce all the maps of the countries. But i still cannot make the rotis soft - they feel like i am eating cardboard - yuck. Though everyone has been trying to encourage me saying i am doing good for a novice. But hell, i want to get it right on the first go. His presence is a help - and irritatng at times. i guess it is his desire to make sure i don't go wrong. But sometimes, i feel it bothers on the nagging. So i keep tellng him to let me do things my way. He told me a sweet thing though - he said he wants to die before me because he does not want to live without me. Since i am an unromantic rat (rat??!! what??) i asked him "am i going to die? ". Any romantic soul would have gone like "Nahin, i want to die before you. How can i live without you? blah blah"....But me, oh i am so bloody unromantic at times that he goes "nang sidi"! But there are times when i am romantic and when the mood overtakes me, hell, no one could beat me at that.

i miss work though..i miss running after everyone to do their job - i guess the poor things will have a hard time when go back. i need to complete my appraisal - i am plannng on giving myself 5/5 on every count - on communcation skills, assetveness, i definitely deserve a 5. Interpersonal skills- umm 4.5 - i don't have the patience to deal with dumb people or to be polticaly nice and correct. Overall rating is 4.87/5! Narcisstic bitch!! Lets see what the higher ups rate me - though care two hoots about it. i am good and i know it. So there...

Chema is going to prepare chagem pomba for me...my mouth is watering. And i am thinking of making pakora thongba...Maybe i will manage to put on weight this time...

rush hour

It is 7:30 in the morning and i have a flight to catch at 10:45. And i am in the office!! Can you beat that? i need to turn over something before i take a hiatus. And the system let me down yesterday. So here i am, not so bright and chirpy --and for a change, all alone in this big room -- rushing against time.

i am feeling sleepy --and the system is being a bitch. If i miss my flight, i will sue it! i have another 1 1/2 hr left.

But i am consoling myself right now with vision of chagem pomba, nagki jou, hanggam...yummy yummy. Now only if the system is nice to me....

Next time, i blog, it would be from home--imphal. If i can catch the flight, that is.

amused...

A funny thing happened. Somebody had screwed up my existing code and i saw red and mailed the client – L, he is a nice guy who tells me i am a mean girl because i called him mean once! He was in a training and did not reply. i told S that i was sad that L did not take my side. Since i was going to leave without seeing him, S asked me if he wanted him to tell L that i was hurt. I told him that he would not be able to say that to L. So we had a bet. i got a mail from L telling me that he heard from S that i was mad at him. He said he didn’t mean to ignore me but he was in a training! And he said he was mad at me for not going away without telling him and that we are even now. This guy is notorious for his one-liner answers so i was touched to see him write two paragraphs to me!!! Maybe S is right – he likes me! But then, S thinks everybody likes me – which must be furthest from the truth. i have the knack of wounding people’s ego.

i will be taking a sabbatical from work for about a month – have got my ticket. After college, this must be the first time i will be in Imphal for so long. It is going to be a testing and tiring time for me. i hope his presence will help—i hope. i am thinking of driving over there – maybe i will end up in sajiwa jail for reckless driving!