airport blues...

Just back from the airport after seeing off kaku and kakima. i make it a point never to go to the airport to see off or receive people esp. over here. This is the first time i have been there to see off someone. i don't like goodbyes and most of all, i don't like seeing other people go home when i am stuck here! But i made a concession because i like kakima. She is such a sweet soul - the kind you take a liking to at the first glance - which is a rare thing for me, i mean liking someone at first glance. i felt bad to see her go off.

The toughest thing has always been our good-bye. Every time, we swear it will be the last time we see each other off, the last time we hug and try to capture a bit of each other to last us the lonely nights. But life throws us apart each time...he in one continent, i in another..

i hate watching him leave, i hate watching him watch me leave. i loathe the trips to the airport, i loathe hugging him goodbye, i loathe hearing him whisper 'i love you' as he hugs me goodbye...because i love him so...

silence of the lambs

i have not watched the film. But thought i would read the book. i thought of testing the water by getting Thomas Harris' Red Dragon - silence of the lambs and hannibal came after red dragon. i did find it palatable. So i got myself the other two books.

It was good - well, i did not finish it in one sitting as i normally do. But it had more to do with my unusually busy "social life" than with the lack of pace of the story! Coming back to the book, it was good, but i did say that before, didn't i? i am rambling...

The only spoiler, if i can call it that, was that since i knew jodie foster and anthony hopkins played the part of Clarice Starling (She is the FBI investigator who got to the maniac) and Hannibal Lecter, their images kept springing up in my mind. His storyline was taut but i am not too impressed with his writing style.

"Hannibal" is next on my list. Going by the reviews, this is supposedly much better than the first two books. Can't wait to find out.

i don't think i would like to watch the screen version of the book. Firstly, i am a scare-dy cat and i just cannot bear to watch violent or scary movies (but i can read them!). We did try to watch Hannibal once and i remember hiding behind his broad back and peeping out once in a while to see what was going on. We never got to the end. Secondly, somehow all movie adaptations of books i like have turned me off. Give me the written words anyday. i would rather "see" the book in my own imagination, live out my interpretation of it.

i think i over-stuffed myself at M-da's pleace yesterday. The food was OK - luchi, gobi, chingri mach, dokha dalna, mangso, dal. We are going out for dinner tonight-a bangladeshi restuarant and i am pretty sure to be greedy and overindulge myself! Glutton!

last comic standing...

This is what i am watching right now. Stand up comedians competing for a huge amount of money. Some of them are really funny - i kinda like their sense of humour.

sample this:
"My boss asked me if i was gay. Gay? i don't even like licking stamps!"

i like Laughter Challenge too - the one where that bigmouth Sidhu keeps laughing his turbaned head off( i just can't stand him, just can't). But the big difference is that the comedians or wanne comedians back home make fun of others. The comics over here mostly make fun of themselves - most of the jokes are on themselves. The comics back home concentrate more on himesh and his nasal talent, on mallika's wardrobe or lack of it, on rakhi sawant..you get the drift.

And there are so many female comics- they didn't have even one in the last two seasons of Laughter Challenge. i did get to watch two this season - there was one who did a take off on manorama - the vamp of yesteryears - and some other actresses. But nothing too funny. Does it say something about our sense of humour? Maybe we are a repressed lot when it somes to humour. ummm...

i adore people with a wicked sense of humour - naughty, sarcastic, dry....That is my kind of humour.

Have been invited to M-da's place for dinner tomorrow. And i didn't have the heart to decline because he said it is just a few of us he has invited. And on friday, the whole team is going for dinner. ummm..so much for my desire to be a recluse...

the 100th time....

Last night dinner was fun - the kind i can bring myself to attend. We had fun backbiting and talking about everything under the sun. The food was good - after the frozen dinners i have been forcing on myself, home-cooked food was like heaven. Tangra mach, pabda mach, aloo dam...yum. And to top the cake, p-da's wife told me i still look so thin and good looking - couldn't figure out whether i was supposed to get fat and lose my looks! ummmm...

This is the 100th post....Is that an occasion to celebrate? hah, you betcha....Why do i blog? i think , like all other things i do in life, it is for myself. Maybe it is to keep my thoughts intact for posterity. Unabashedly, i love reading my posts! Talk about conceit. But then, i have always been conceited and snobbish! And i would not have myself any other way.

thought of the day:
Nothing dries sooner than tears - Latin Proverb

but why???

i am definitely going crazy. i don't know why i am picking up fights with him. Is it the distance between us? Is it guilt that i am not there by his side? i don't know...But i find myself empty of words when i call him up. i don't know what to say. And he - i don't blame him - loses his cool. What is wrong with me?

The day started off pretty well. Caught up with an old friend on the net. Finished a book. i drifted off to sleep in the evening and woke up and danced! i practised my salsa steps in front of the mirror and was pleasantly surprised to learn that i have not forgotten the moves. Then the marathon phone calls - my sister and i yapping about everything under the sun. Then my parents. And then his family. And when it came to him, i clammed up.

Why? Why? i have always been the talkative one in this relationship. He is the silent brooding type. And all of a sudden, i just don't feel like telling him anything. This is scary. And when he needs me the most, i seem to be receding into my shell. i am evil.

i don't know. i think it is guilt. That i am not there with him now. And to assuage my guilt, what do i do? Of course, i make it harder for him by refusing to talk. Where do you still get malicious being like me anymore? If i had any sense, i would try to make it easier for him by being my normal self. But no, i have to complicate everything. i have to make him lose his cool. i am sorry, honey. But sorry is such a convenient word, isn't it? i know the pain you are going through...and i wish to be your pillar of support...i just don't seem to know how to go about it...

i hope i will be a better person...but that seems like a long way off...